The Sunlit Path|Feb 16, 2010 5:33 AM| by:

Role of Marriage for an Aspirant

There are many dilemmas which crop up when we are striving to stay on the path. One of the most common and difficult situation which arises has to do with our interaction with other people – strangers, co-workers, friends, family.

How should one look at these very many human relationships and what is the right attitude? We have attempted to throw some light on the subject by quoting Sri Aurobindo and will deal separately with each kind of human relationship.

Here, Sri Aurobindo answers a query on the role of marriage in the life of a sadhak. Our mind may tell us that the other person is a complementary half, our soul-mate so to speak, but can that truly be so?

Regarding your question about a complementary soul and marriage, the answer is easy to give; the way of the spiritual life lies for you in one direction and marriage lies in quite another and opposite. All talk about a complementary soul is a camouflage with which the mind tries to cover the sentimental, sensational and physical wants of the lower vital nature. It is that vital nature in you which puts the question and would like an answer reconciling its desires and demands with the call of the true soul in you. But it must not expect a sanction for any such incongruous reconciliation from here. The way of the supramental yoga is clear; it lies not through concession to these things,—not, in your case, through satisfaction, under a spiritual cover if possible, of its craving for the comforts and gratifications of a domestic and conjugal life and the enjoyment of the ordinary emotional desires and physical passions,—but through the purification and transformation of the forces which these movements pervert and misuse. Not these human and animal demands, but the divine Ananda which is above and beyond them and which the indulgence of these degraded forms would prevent from descending, is the great thing that the aspiration of the vital being must demand in the sadhak.


In a general way the only method for succeeding in having between a man and a woman the free and natural yogic relations that should exist between a sadhak and a sadhika in this yoga is to be able to meet each other without thinking at all that one is a man and another a woman—both are simply human beings, both sadhaks, both striving to serve the Divine and seeking the Divine alone and none else. Have that fully in yourself and no difficulty is likely to come.


There is a love in which the emotion is turned towards the Divine in an increasing receptivity and growing union. What it receives from the Divine it pours out on others, but freely without demanding a return—if you are capable of that, then that is the highest and most satisfying way to love.

Sri Aurobindo